This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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