Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
