This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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