I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
