I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize