I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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