i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
