Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize