I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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