You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
