O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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