two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
