Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
