yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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