i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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