Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
