Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize