This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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