Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
