she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
