i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize