I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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