I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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