So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
