So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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