just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize