just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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