That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
