I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
