I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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