who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
