You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
