Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
