we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
