Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
