I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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