This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
