walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
