Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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