I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
