he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
