i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
