FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
