sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
