Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize