Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
