I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
