omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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