; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
