Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
