I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
