I looked at my own cervix.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
