I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
