is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
