I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
