even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
