She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
