Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
