I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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