my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was born a porn star she said
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
