These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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