apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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