The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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