I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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