i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
