You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
