he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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