The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
