I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
