my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i may or may not be watching the land before time
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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