yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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