I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
