Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
