So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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