I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
