Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
