There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
